don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
