So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
