Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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