Pappa wants mamma naked
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize