He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
