your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
