i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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