I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
