I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The struggles of a small town man whore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize