so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
