woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
