I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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