I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
