Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
