Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
