I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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