So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
