I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
