also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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