I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
