im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
