More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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