Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
