i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
