..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
