I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
