She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
