try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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