Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
