i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
