my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
