why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You need Xanax blowdarts
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
