there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
