do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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