I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
