After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize