Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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