you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
