He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They have beer where we have blood.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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