Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
