Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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