Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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