I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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