my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
