if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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