just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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