Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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