I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
false alarm. still invincible.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
