I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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