And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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