Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize