i just wanna soil my oats bro
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
