I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
