If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
