You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
