Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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