you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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