just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
