Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
