I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
