I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
