Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
