Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
