I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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