Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
