your room smells of hookers.
And success
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Semen is not good for contacts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
