I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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