How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
