So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
