Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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