I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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