I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
