I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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