Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize