I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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