i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
