9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
