He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
